Dear Human Resources,

 Our company stresses the importance a work/life balance.  My kids are an important part of my life, and sometimes when I am at the office, I do miss them.  With this in mind, I have some suggestions.

• When in meetings, let's usually sit in the same seats.  If an employee happens to sit in a seat that is usually not their seat, assign one employee to scream at them (for example "JIM'S CHAIR, JIM'S CHAIR, JIM'S CHAIR") until they move to their appropriate spot.
• When employees notice that an employee will be using the restroom, I think it would be best if they followed that employee into their stall.  If they are bored while waiting for the employee to finish going to the bathroom, they may offer to pull of a piece of toilet paper.  When they pull out too much toilet paper, they may try to wrap the excess back onto the roll.  They must also insist on flushing.
• When 2 employees arrive at the copy machine at the same time, they could both yell "MINE" until a 3rd employee comes and determines who should get to use the copy machine first.
• One employee should be chosen to randomly move office supplies to locations where they do not belong.
• Instead of walking to meetings, employees should run or skip.  They could also race each other with the last person to arrive being a rotten egg. 
• Place important information regarding meetings that I need to attend into the purses and laptop bags of other employees; consider it my responsibility to find the papers prior to the meetings.
• When an employee has a cold, have them sneeze directly into the face of fellow employees.  Also, it may be interesting to have the sick employee wipe their nose on their sleeve despite having a kleenex box readily available.
• If two employees are having a conversation, assign a third employee to stand nearby and make loud noises. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, but on second thought, we may want to keep things as they are.

I know I brushed my teeth. I think I brushed my hair.

It's Monday.  I got the boys to school and daycare, and was driving to work deep in thought.  "I know I brushed my teeth this morning.  Now, did I brush my hair?  Yes, I think I did.  I think I brushed my hair, but I know I brushed my teeth."  This was my inner dialogue.

It's the third week of Kindergarten for my 5 year old and the third week at a new daycare for my 2 (almost 3) year old.  Mondays are always harder anyways. 

My oldest had a giant blister on his foot and wanted to get a ride to school instead of taking the bus. Of course I had my doubts - I mean maybe I should have just given him a ride to school - he's just a kindergartener and he did have a giant blister. I was second guessing my firm "you'll take the bus" stance, but I had decided to stand my ground, and I couldn't show any sign of doubt because kids sense that stuff.

A lot of detail is probably not necessary, but after protesting, pleading to be driven to school, crying, and running away, he did get on the bus.  It was only 7:25, and I was beat.

I turned toward the house to find my next victim. 

The youngest was still asleep, but he woke up when I was picking out some clothes from his drawers.  Luckily for me, he did not put 2 and 2 together, and went along with me packing up his bag, and even picked out a stuffed animal to go with him.  He got dressed, except for his jammy shirt which he was not interested in changing, and we got into the car to head to daycare. 

He probably assumed we were going to grammas house because he was so agreeable, and he loves grammas house.  Since we were almost to the daycare, I figured I'd better break the news to him, and said "Oh, I think we forgot your blanket, but I bet daycare has a blanket that you can use for your nap.  We can ask her when we get there." 

This is where his morning made a turn, and followed a similar pattern to his brother's with some protesting, requesting Mom, requesting Dad, and crying, but in the end, he stayed at daycare, and I headed towards work.

This leads me to the title of my blog and where I started off.  I left daycare feeling like I'd just been through a battle, and was just trying to gather myself together as I was heading into my office, just a few minutes behind schedule.  I suppose I always show up to work somewhere on the spectrum of dishevelment. 

This morning, I had a few things going for me.  In addition to being appropriately dressed, my teeth got brushed, and so did my hair...  I think.